So, Nan had tried to instruct me as a commenter on an atheist blog, that I had only become a Christian because I had been taught these principles from an early age. I just accepted them, wanted to believe them, then, after all these years of believing them, I was too afraid of all my beliefs crashing down to question them.
“I was just like you, Randy. I did all the church things , believed all the teachings, I even got born again. But, when I started to question things, I realized that it was all a lie.”
I can’t blame Nan.
After pouring through my journey of being unable to see the kingdom of God in its power, not recognizing all the entrances of God into my life because of my blindness, completely deaf to any words He might deliver to me, I have come to realize that I was dead.
I had a physical life.
I was concerned about physical things, things that made my physical life better.
If I was nice to people, it was because I liked the way it felt for people to think well of me.
If I was in desperate straits financially, I found ways to get extra money by less than legal means.
I lost jobs because of these choices.
One time, after losing two jobs, I had a job I really loved, but I did its again. Desperate times.
I thought I had been discovered and that, when I got back to the Pepsi warehouse, that I would be fired again.
Fear gripped my heart.
“Oh, LORD, please please please don’t let me be fired. I will give you my life if you protect me,” I prayed.
Of course, according to Nan, the only reason I prayed was because some man had told me when I was young, that God hears and answers our prayers.
But, I didn’t know Nan back then.
I did not get fired.
I forgot about the prayer.
But, God did not forget that prayer.
Around that time, my daughter, Chelsey was two or three. One morning, Wendy and I were standing at the door to her bedroom as she was waking up.
“I dreamed about God,” she said.
How cute is that? we thought. “What did he look like?”
“He had white hair and a white beard and a white robe.”
Wendy and I looked at each other. “Did he say anything?” Wendy asked.
Chelsey answered, “Yes. He said, (and she lowered her voice as deep as she could)’I love you, Chelsey.’”
Some time after that, we decided to get back into church.
But I was still untouched. I just thought it was neat that little Chelsey had had that dream.
The first time I was ever touched was when Wendy said, “ God doesn’t want us to have this house.”
The first time I was ever moved by a scripture was two days later, when I read, “You must be born again.” I could not see the kingdom of God.
Until, the next day, when I was born again.
Nan was right. She and I were at the same place, doing the things, but not being touched by the One who ordained the Words that we were being taught.
We were both blind and deaf to the world of the Spirit of God.
We were both dead.
God sent people to tell us, circumstances to guide us.
He touched me so I could hear.
He softened my heart so I could know what I needed to pray.
He answered my prayer.
I am not dead anymore.
Nan was wrong about something.
The things I was taught when I was dead were true.
I just didn’t really believe them.
I was a virtual atheist; I lived as if there were no God.
God says, “I AM THAT I AM.”
My prayer, is that God will open Nan’s eyes (and the others like her)
so she can become alive.
“He that has the Son has life. He that does not have the Son Of God does not have life.”