Wendy and I were talking yesterday on the way home from my last doctor visit.
(I never thought I would be the one visiting doctors every week.)
“I had already prepared myself for the result that the cancer had spread,” she said, with a catch in her throat.
I had to admit that I had, too.
We had so many people praying, and the prayers had helped so many times.
Were we doubting God by entertaining thoughts that went against what we were praying for?
“I have to say,” I replied, “ that we both know that God is God, and that He will do His will. When we pray, a lot of times, we are asking Him to make what we want to be what He wants. “
We knew that the results may or may not be our preferred outcome.
Our struggle would be to figure out the path to walk if His will differed from ours.
I had had a C T Scan on Wednesday to see if the cancer was confined to the one place in the colon that had been discovered, or if it had spread to other organs.
The waiting is the hard part. Especially for Wendy.
I had worked the rest of Wednesday and half a day on Thursday, and I was able to avoid the heavy thoughts of “what if…” as I worked.
Chemo was the probable directive if the cancer had spread, before the cancer could be removed.
Chemo was the decision we weren’t sure we would choose.
Around 12:00 on Thursday, my phone rang as I was finishing a window cleaning job.
“Mr. Epps, this is Elizabeth, from Texas Oncology.” She had introduced herself a week ago. She would study the results of the scan. What she was about to tell me would have a major impact on my life, and Wendy’s.
“ I have studied the pictures…. There is no evidence of any more cancer, other than the one we found.”
“That’s what we prayed for!” I exclaimed. “Thank you, thank you.”
“I am so happy for you,” she replied. She told me a few more details of coming steps and said goodbye.
Immediately I called Wendy.
“That Dr. Elizabeth just called with the results…no other cancer was found.”
“None?” her voice broke, and she started to cry. “None? I was so scared.”
Her tears were a release of the fears she had been keeping inside.
Her tears made me feel God’s presence and her love for me.
Her tears reminded me that trusting God no matter what He may choose was always the right choice.
The trip to the doctor today was strictly a confirmation of the findings.
“This is great news!” he said as he looked at the charts. “There is really nothing you need from me today,” he said. And he told us about the coming steps regarding surgery. With a smile. With encouragement.
Our shoulders seemed to be missing a heavy weight as we rejoiced in the goodness of our God.
One step at time.