Two Years Ago

PURE FICTION

BUT I CAN HOPE, CAN’T I

PROBABLY, TOO LATE FOR THIS CYCLE

CAMPAIGN SPEECH I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR IN 2019

Hello, my name is (name withheld to protect the non-existent) and I will be 69 years old on my next birthday.

I am placing my name on the ballot for president of the United States.

Actually, I am neither Republican nor Democrat. I have been both.

I have worked all my life, some good experiences, some not so good, but all were very important in molding me into the man (could be woman, not being sexist, just simplifying the writing process) I am today.

In a lot of the jobs, I had fair success, gaining promotions, working hard. But, to be honest, I have probably been fired many more times than I was promoted. Most of the jobs were just so I could have a car, gas, food and money for beer, not to mention a few times of buying drugs.

I was pretty popular in high school, star athlete, on the student council, even elected president my senior year. I can’t remember anything that we accomplished in all the years I was on the council, except, maybe, really good proms.

I was given a scholarship to X University because of my athletic prowess. I joined a fraternity, partied every weekend, and, probably only graduated because I was a good athlete.

After college, I married_________, had three kids, and, after seven years, nearly destroyed my marriage and my family by being unfaithful.

My wife was a Christian (a real one) and she forgave me, but said she would only stay if I got counseling.

She chose the counselor. He was just an ordinary guy that lived down the street. Didn’t drink or cuss, always doing stuff with his family. I think he went to my wife’s church.

We started meeting for coffee three mornings a week. He always brought his Bible.

After a time, I kinda marveled at how peaceful he always seemed to be. Once I asked him about this, and he told me a long story about how he used to be kind of a jerk, kind of self-centered and always doing everything to make himself happy.

That was me, to a tee.

He told me, that when he started to see himself as he really was, he began to hate those things about himself, and one day one of his neighbors started telling him about how his life had changed. Something about being born again.

He opened his Bible, showed me a story about some dude who talked to Jesus about getting eternal life, and Jesus told him, “You must be born again.”

My neighbor shared with me how he was born again.

I had to leave. Getting a little too religious.

But I couldn’t shake it. I had no peace. I was not happy. Without alcohol, life was an empty boring struggle.

The next time I saw him, I said, I want what you have.

He said, he couldn’t give it to me, but he could introduce me to someone who could.

WHAT?

He told me to bow my head, close my eyes, and confess my sin and selfishness to Jesus. He said that he was still alive, in fact, even though I couldn’t see him, he knew for a fact that Jesus was right there in the room. Right now.

Honestly, I had never prayed in my life. But something compelled me to do what this guy was telling me.

I prayed. Everything changed. I felt clean. I felt forgiven.

That was thirty years ago.

Since then, I have been living a quiet life with my family, learning how I could hear the voice of this invisible, but real Jesus, learning how much better life was if I obeyed that voice.

Six years ago, I started hearing that voice tell me to get ready to run for president. Now that was crazy. I did not want that. I did not think I was capable of that. That was crazy. How am I supposed to do that?

I obeyed. I began to study. I began to seek out wiser men to advise me.

So, I am standing here today to tell you, that I think I have been called to run for president of the United States. I will not do anything rude to anyone that runs against me. I will only share with you what my experiences over the last six years have taught me. I will take every problem that arises first to my invisible LORD, then tell you what I would do, what steps I would take to help repair this country.

You don’t have to vote for me if you don’t trust me. I wasn’t told that I would win, only that I should run.

This country started because people trusted Jesus for some impossible stuff. Maybe it can regain that trust.

May God bless America again!